Ok, I'm pretty sure the winner of the houseplant contest is reluctance with "Chuck the Plant". Because the true way to this man*'s heart is through video game references. In a very close second was qousqous with "Asphalt vagina overload ginko", because the other way to this man*'s heart is through inspired and toneful absurdity. My thanks to all who played.
In response to mightymonju's query as to what kind of plant it is, hopefully it's the kind of plant that doesn't die easily.